So much of today's readings at Mass fit something I've been thinking about or struggling with.
The first reading was from 1 Kings 19:4-8
Elijah went a day's journey into the desert,
until he came to a broom tree and sat beneath it.
He prayed for death saying:
"This is enough, O LORD!
Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers."
He lay down and fell asleep under the broom tree,
but then an angel touched him and ordered him to get up and eat.
Elijah looked and there at his head was a hearth cake
and a jug of water.
After he ate and drank, he lay down again,
but the angel of the LORD came back a second time,
touched him, and ordered,
"Get up and eat, else the journey will be too long for you!"
He got up, ate, and drank;
then strengthened by that food,
he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb.
Elijah was tired, he had been called by God to be a prophet and do do God's will, but the people wouldn't listen. He was ready to give up, call it quits, just be done. But God gave him food and drink. Even that though, wasn't enough. God gave him more food and drink, and made him eat, "else the journey will be too long for you". Strengthened, he continued on his journey to the mountain of God.
If Elijah, who KNEW his purpose in life, KNEW he was doing God's will needed to be fed by God, then how much more do we, poor sons and daughters need to be fed as we struggle to find our place in this world, struggle to find God's will in our lives?
It's a good reminder too, that even knowing we are doing God's will doesn't mean it will be easy. In fact, it's all the more likely that it will be extremely difficult.
All the more reason to make sure that we being strengthened by the food and drink that God gives us in the Eucharist. That is the only food that will sustain us in our journey to see God.
This is the important thing. Don't let anything separate me from the food that I KNOW will sustain me. It's too easy sometimes, especially in times of stress or depression, to let Satan get in my head and convince me that I'm not worthy of the Eucharist. That this sin, or that sin is enough to separate me from His Communion. There are sins that DO separate me from God, missing Mass for no reason being high among them, but even when that happens, I know that I can come to Christ in the Sacrament of Reconciliation and get made whole again. The little things though, I have to work at accepting that while they may in fact be things I need to deal with, they do not separate me from God. No matter how much Satan tried to convince me otherwise. All I have to do is come to the table. Not exclude myself from His Communion. That is my struggle.